Comments 353

Re: Thank Goodness You're Here! Delights With British Humour And Surrealist Cartoon Vibes

VoodooTrumpet

@nessisonett I’ve been to Scotland. Once. I remember it much as one recalls a dream, or a nightmare...

I was on a budget flight to Norway when a storm hit and forced us to ditch in Glasgow Prestwick. I was stranded, and it’s so hilly up there you can’t get any signal on your carphone. It looked bad. It looked like I was going to have the spend the night in Glasgow.

The cabin crew suggested we all go out and “club it.” I had no option. It was that or one of their B&Bs. I figured it would be safer on the streets.

For the first time ever I saw the Scotch in their natural habitat, and it weren’t pretty. I’d seen them huddling on stations before, being loud, but this time I was surrounded. Everywhere I went it felt like they were watching me.

Fish-white flesh puckered by the Highland breeze; tight eyes peering out for fresh meat; screechy booze-soaked voices hollering out for a taxi to take them halfway up the road to the next all-night watering hole.

A shatter of glass; a round of applause; a sixteen-year old mother of three vomiting in an open sewer; bairns looking on chewing potato cakes.

I ain’t never going back. Not never.